Babywearing - a cultural paradox?
June 25th, 2007How do you carry your baby?
If you live according to western standards, chances are you use a stroller. It is funny how the stroller perfectly fits in western parenting culture and society standards:
- your baby is at a safe distance from your smell, your breath, your voice, your warmth.
- your baby is thrust into the world, boldly faces his future, and can rely on a pacifier for occasional comfort.
- your baby gets used to travelling on four wheels with minimum effort, disconnected from any walking motion
- your baby sees all adults from below, learning his place as a child
- your baby stays away from adult discussions, and patiently chews away at a gooey biscuit while you are talking with your friend/husband/neighbour
- your baby learns that the world is cold and unforgiving, especially in winter, especially in the hands and feet
And yet, the western world seems to take great pains to make life impossible for stroller-pushers:
Do you sigh and swear when you have to climb on a crowded bus and one of the castors gets caught in a handrail? when you have to go down a subway entrance? when you have to fight your way upstream a rush-hour crowd? when you have to slalom around canine excrement, upturned trash cans, badly parked vehicles or demolished sidewalks? when you want to walk along an uneven unpaved road or a hiking track? when you have to pack the stroller into the never-big-enough trunk of your car?
If you’re still living like semi-apes and are from a primitive culture, chances are you carry your baby on your belly or on your back with a mere piece of cloth. It is funny how a baby sling or a wraparaound perfectly fits a primitive parenting culture and society standards:
- your baby clings to your body and cannot dissociate from your smell, your breath, your voice, your warmth.
- your baby faces backwards, looking into your chest or above your shoulder into the past, and takes comfort from raw skin contact
- your baby gets used to the rhythm of walking and will believe walking is the best way to get around
- your baby sees all people at eye level, and will believe children are as important as adults
- your baby can eavesdrop on all your conversations, and could even be tempted to participate long before he can use proper grammar
- your baby thinks the world is a warm fuzzy place, even in winter when he is comfortably protected under your coat
And yet, the western world seems to be particularly friendly to babywearing parents: Climbing on a bus? Running down a subway entrance? Walking through a crowd? Avoiding obstacles? Hiking in the wild? Packing? Not a problem.
I’d love to be able to use a stroller and teach my baby the true modern life, but seriously: it is too much effort. I think I am too lazy and too parsimonious to choose the stroller. I prefer to stick to primitive parenting, whatever harm it might do to the balance of my child and his place into this unforgiving world.
While my lot were still light enough to carry, I wore them. It was fantastic: I loved it, they loved it and their daddy loved when it was his turn. Primitive parenting rocks.
Hmmm … interesting. I’d never thought about the stroller in that way before.
Charlotte: I still use the wraparound with my 30 lb son. The good thing with babies (compared to bags of cement) is that they start light and grow slow enough to let you build the right muscles and adopt the right postures.
Dorothy: I seriously had nothing against strollers before I had to use one.
Oh, you ruined me!
We just got a previously-owned stroller for a fraction of its original cost. The thing is sitting in my living room, along with the huge car seat nobody in my generation ever used when we were babies. Now I’m looking at the stroller with suspicion. We were also given a Snugli. I’ll have to see how I feel about all this baby paraphernalia later, you know, when there’s actually a baby to test it.
I was raised by barbarians: no stroller, no snugli. My parents carried us. As soon as we were old enough we walked. (I complained about the walking.) When driving was necessary, they stacked the three of us in a Volkswagen bug. I don’t recommend it but it can be done in a pinch.
Maria: I am sorry. We have a stroller too, and I confess I used it occasionally. In suburbs with a nice even pavement or in supermarkets, a stroller is quite appropriate. I tried to use a snugli once, but my baby was already too heavy: the problem with the snugli is that the weight has to be carried via two (narrow) straps on the shoulders, while a wraparound cloth distributes the weight over the whole upper body, making the baby no heavier than the same weight in body fat.
Tai: carrying is great. But only Vishnu can carry his offspring and cook or clean at the same time.
Never having had a baby of my own, but knowing what it’s like to push and pull shopping carts around NYC and observing poor women on subways with strollers, I’ve often wondered why anyone living in a city would opt for a stroller (especially those most fashionable these days that must weigh at least twice as much as an average two-year-old) over carrying a child. When they get too big to snuggle against your chest, you can carry them on your shoulders (then they get to look down on the adults). My father carried his children this way all over the place and we loved it.
On the shoulders is great. I do it all the time.
You only mentioned that you were too parsimonious in passing. I think it is worth pointing out that the fancy stroller that Emily mentions can easily cost $400, while a piece of cloth suitable for using as a sling costs about $3.
Very true. Although when you can get hold of a used stroller it considerably reduces the price (and the guilt of actually never using it).
I know this is an old post, but we’re in the process of investigating the various sling systems for Baby Smithereens because we’re quite convinced of a stroller’s inadequation with our way of life. What system/brand do you use or would you recommend?
We have used an all-purpose low-tech sling made of a rectangular piece of cloth 2 x 15ft. Check http://didymos.de/english/index.php
Dear Wise Mandarine…
So I tried (and loved) the sling, and when baby was a newborn he slept happily in it several times, but now that he’s an alert and active 2-month-old he ain’t liking it. AT ALL.
Any words of advice on how to train the little boss to be happy while he’s stuck in the thing?
Seeing that all kids are different and we’ve only had one (so far?), all I can say is that it was easier when we walked outside with the baby being able to see some of the scenery. For more details, check your email.