mandarine

Am I mistaken in believing that at least some readers will recognize the following quote ?

All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights […] without distinction of any kind, such as […], sex, […]

In mathematics, when we say things are equal, we mean equal. Equal in the right to have a career, equal in the right not to do household tasks after a full workday, equal in the right to accept a contract overseas and relocate the whole family. Then why is it that only 2 % of the people applying for APE (a special subsidy for long parental leave, from the french family welfare office CAF) are men ? This means 98% are women: a 1-to-50 ratio !

For the past few decades, once the right to vote had been secured, feminists have demanded that women be allowed to have a career of their own. This goal is almost reached (at least where I live), at the cost of the so-called ‘double workday’: once home, the woman generally has to manage two to three times more household burden than the man. The next step towards gender equality would be to share household roles and family responsibilities equally. But seriously, what are the odds that both Mr and Mrs X. have equally important jobs, allowing them to split household duties in a fair manner ? What are the odds that Mr and Mrs Y are equally skilled when it comes to not yelling back at the kids, not forgetting to pay the bills, not burning dinner ? Complete equality in each and every household is probably not realistic — there has to be an unfair share at some point. This happens to be one of the arguments of complementarianists: it is equally honorable to care for the children, do the cooking and be the spirit of the house, as it is to work outside and make big money selling machine-tool spares or lecturing to an audience of eager students about the subtleties of the fast Fourier transform.

However…

I agree with the above statement. Except that my scientific mind strikes again: if it is equally honorable, it can be the other way around, can it not ? I say equality can be achieved overall, statistically, on average. If Mr Z. is a brilliant attorney and Mrs Z a plump housewife, then Mrs W. is a rising political advisor and Mr W. in and out of part-time jobs while caring for their four daughters. If Mr U. is a proud househusband with a famous blog on attachment parenting, and his wife criss-crosses the Earth going to conferences on deep off-shore drilling technologies, then Mrs S. is a steel-minded foreman at a car factory while Mr S. sits at home watching infomercials. If Mrs V. had to quit teaching on account of her husband, then she learns that her neighbor Mr T. also had to quit his job to follow his spouse when she was awarded a big contract overseas.

I say we will reach equality when as many men and women apply for psychological support on account of household assaults. When we see as many teenage single-father school drop-outs as underage single mothers in detox. When there are as many fathers as mothers granted child custody after a divorce.

What’s wrong with being a househusband ?

It reminds me of the movie ‘Erin Brockovich’, when biker-boyfriend walks out because he feels offended that supermum has gone on such a flamboyant crusade, leaving him to be the nanny (a cool-looking tattooed nanny with a ponytail and a beard, but a nanny nonetheless). He is a jerk — he should be proud. At least that is generally what women in the same situation are told. If it’s okay to be Jackie Kennedy, what’s wrong with being Denis Thatcher ?

As a conclusion

As famous journalist, politician and feminist Françoise Giroud once put it: ‘Women will be the true equals of men the day an incompetent woman is nominated at a high position’. Grumpy chroniclers later pointed out that former Prime Minister Edith Cresson had indeed been incompetent. Unfortunately, she remains an exception.

Read on

An apologia of the scientific mind

Does online gender matter ?

Read away

Françoise Giroud
Elisabeth Badinter

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